What is Intimacy?

I used to believe that intimacy referred to the sexual relationships that exists between individuals. However, it goes deeper than that, as intimacy describes the closeness and quality of relationships that exist between people. 

A relationship refers to how people relate to each other. It can be perceived by how much trust exists between individuals, how people think about each other, or how those people interact. Salisbury University students have different levels of intimacy depending on who they are talking to.

The boys passing a football between each other on the quad seemed to have a casual and loose relationship since they didn’t talk to each other much. They rarely spoke, acknowledging the occasional good form while passing a ball.

Whenever they complimented each other, they would say, “Nice,” and then continue playing in silence. Those who were on the receiving end of the praise nodded their head in acknowledgment. They didn’t say thank you, making it seem like the boys were not a tight-knit friend group. 

Skateboarders in front of the Guerrieri Academic Commons, on the other hand, were more affectionate and went for side hugs. These guys were comfortable enough to embrace each other, indicating a more devoted relationship. Their emotional connection is likely more substantial, which explains why they were relaxed enough to hug. 

Socioeconomic, Gender and Other Compositions 

It is a known fact that Salisbury University is a predominantly white institution. While the races on campus don’t differ too much, most students speak fluent English or have English as their most utilized language. 

Most, if not all, SU students speak fluent English and utilize African-American vernacular English (AAVE). Many famous phrases (such as chile, sus, cap, pressed, or deadass) are seen in comment sections all over social media. People often confuse AAVE for generation-z slang, so it is no surprise that those phrases were heard through my observations.

A group of white girls sitting on a blanket at the quad gossiped about a girl they knew. To portray surprise about something heard from their conversation, one of the girls said, “ima be deadass if she forgets,” when expressing an expectation she holds for the friend they were talking about. Based on how much detail was shared throughout their gossiping, it was safe to assume that the girls were close to each other. 

The girl’s use of AAVE and her comfort in using it with her white counterparts shows me that it is a part of her everyday speech, or at least she’s been hearing it used consistently elsewhere. 

When a Black student walked by, I noticed that she stopped using AAVE terms. She began saying “I will” or using the word “cool” in a sentence instead of “lit.” People speak more freely with the people they are close to, meaning that an intimate relationship is also perceived based on a person’s speech patterns. 

College Life in the United States 

In the early 2000s, it was easier to identify cliques and cohorts within high schools because teenagers were more expressive and self-expressive. That is not to say that students aren’t expressive in the 21st century. However, students tend to dress the same here at Salisbury University, so I needed help finding similarities at first glance between friend groups. 

Music, hobbies and general interests play a significant role in developing friendships and relationships. Students tend to gravitate towards like-minded people. Most females in my US history class had Stanley water bottles, and many of the boys had YETI bottles. The students who owned Stanley cups were spending time with other students who had Stanley cups. I noticed those who had the Stanley and Yeti bottles were wearing Apple watches or owned an iPhone 15. 

College students in the United States have their own culture and customs that give them a sense of belonging. While it is common and almost expected to meet someone with a Stanley bottle, it is something you see only occasionally outside the university space.

In the “real world,” people drink from plastic bottles or other brands of water bottles. People don’t pay too much attention to what they drink from, which brings me to my next point. College students tend to care more about what other people think of them. I noticed a few people in my psychology class scrolling through Instagram and sharing Instagram reels with their friends during lectures. 

The reels usually contained fashion videos, make-up tutorials, or vlogs made by other college students. People don’t just watch videos like that because they find them appealing; they do so because they can relate to them. 

An anthropologist would say that college life is about finding yourself and where you fit in in the social scheme. While people go to university to get a degree, an anthropologist would say that earning a degree isn’t the sole reason why students go to college in the United States since it is not most people’s primary focus.

Salisbury University Culture 

Since Salisbury University is a predominantly white institution, it is arguable that students of color are excluded from forming deep, intimate relationships. While there are clubs and organizations created to bring students of color together, it is not very easy for us to find each other and form deep connections. 

This is not to say that students of color can’t create genuine relationships with students who are white, but just that the way we may interact with one race can vary drastically from how we act with another.

For example, there was a group of four black males sitting on the quad the other day, and they were reenacting TikTok videos that they had seen previously. They made puns and jokingly made fun of each other’s hair since some videos they saw were about black hair. If a white student were joking about black hair, the mood wouldn’t be as light-hearted or playful. 

This is an example of how relationships work at SU, and this notion can also be applied to other institutions. Certain jokes are meant to be shared between people who have developed their rapport and certain groups determine what is appropriate to joke and talk openly about. 

Depending on your relationship with someone, there may be a better time and place to talk or make fun of specific ideas.

Conducting Fieldwork

Conducting fieldwork is essential because one of the best ways to learn about a new group of people is to watch them live their lives. By observing people in their natural habitats, one can pick up information about them that people wouldn’t otherwise be open to discussing or presenting under prying eyes.

My physical presence did not alter anyone’s behavior in the locations where I sat because I kept a distance from where the majority of people were. I blended in the background and conducted my observations in a notebook when I was outside. 

Since I had a notebook out while outside, people may have thought I had completed coursework, so nobody bothered me or paid too much attention

My identity as a black female played a role in how I perceived the people around me. I am always hyper-aware of people’s race and how people develop preconceived notions about who we are based on stereotypes. 

I am guilty of this, but I was self-aware of that habit and tried my best to keep an open mind while jotting down people’s actions. I was surprised to find that I was bothered by the amount of non-black students who used AAVE or spoke with a “black accent.”

I think that since I was taught to ignore people’s ignorance and not feel the need to educate non-blacks about what is right and disrespectful behavior, I have taken a sort of neutral stance on the topic of non-blacks using AAVE. I say to myself that as long as people are not making fun of people of color and actively trying to be disrespectful to the culture, then they can say as they please.

I found that female friends were more likely to hold hands casually, hug each other hello or goodbye, kiss each other on the cheek in greeting, or even express that they loved each other in conversation.

The males rarely did this. The boys in the quad either waved goodbye as they were leaving or dabbed each other up. This is not because they are not close to each other, though that may be the case, but also because males are less affectionate with each other.

Males don’t feel love as deeply as women do. It is a fact that women are more sensitive, so males, despite caring about each other, aren’t too close when it comes to forming relationships.

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By JENNY TIMBANE

Editor

Featured graphic courtesy of The Bury Post